motivation

so i need some motivation. lately ive been a lazy pile of shit. despite having little to no money, i have yet to hunt for a job--apart from applying at fareway. none of my classes seem to make me want to try. at all.

i really need to break the cycle, because if i dont, there's a good chance i will end up in a bad situation. it seems as though all i can do now is buy things i cant afford and write songs. or, as ive stated before, poems that sort of look like songs. i tweeted mark hoppus to take a look at them on here. theres at least a 99% chance he never does, but it would be the best moment of my life if he did and tweeted back--even if he said he didnt like em.

lately there have been different things that have presented themselves as points of interest for me. writing is still a huge part of me, but the fact that songs are what interests me right now is strange to me. but the other part, that may be even weirder, is that ive kind of wanted to sing lately. see, i could speak in front of a thousand people no problem. but sing? not so much.

a friend also got a role as a stand-in on a movie recently. it made me realize that i miss my high school plays. not the plays themselves, but performing in them. i halfway want to try out for a play or something here at school. but then again, the fact that i'm a pile keeps that from happening.

but in the end, at least i know i want to do more while im here than write articles and play basketball once in a while. itd be cool to say ive actually branched out. its be cool to find a girl too.

so heres the latest song. i dont know if its good or not. but tell me the truth.

"Worth It"

I know when I see you,
I know when you speak
I know I can trust you,
Your words set me free
Like God up above, you know what I am
Just a boy you look past, A boy who’s in love
I don’t care what it takes, only what it will mean
For you to be with me, for me to be seen

So bring on the thunder, Bring on the rain
Bring on the hurt, and bring on the pain
Let’s make that jump now,
C’mon just make your move
Cuz baby it’s worth it, it’s worth it for love

I swear I can do this,
I swear I can go
Be more than you are,
be more than I know
A world up in flames, uncertainty abounds
My life sometimes feels like a ship run aground
So I sing this lament, so that someone will hear
And maybe can tackle that deep seeded fear

So bring on the thunder, bring on the rain
Bring on the hurt, and bring on the pain
Let’s make that jump now,
C’mon just make your move
Cuz baby it’s worth it, it’s worth it for love

Everywhere I go,
In all that I know,
One cure still exists
And you know what it is
If you could just realize,
And not hide behind,
That wall you have up,
Then babe, we could fly

So bring on that thunder, bring on that rain
Bring on that hurt, and bring on that pain
And we will pull through,
We will make this thing last
Put love in our future, and pain in our past

Cuz baby it’s worth it, worth it for love
Baby it’s worth it, worth it for love