ambition

i need ambition. i need it in the worst way. i sit at this computer, watch videos, look and facebook and twitter, read columns by writers way better than i can ever hope to be, and think about how i should be studying.

i just cant find the ambition. my laziness has reached a new peak. today, while in the library, instead of studying for a speech test that was a few hours away, i watched tv shows on my computer. how much more ridiculous can i be?

and the worst part is, i know ill be disappointed when my grade reflects the work i put in. itll be worse cuz i have no one and nothing else to blame but myself. theres just so much more id rather be doing then reading about what some guy from tidewater virginia did 200 years ago. id rather be racing. id rather be listening to music. id rather be writing a sports column once a week and nothing else.

but to get all those things i have to put up with the grind of class and studying and tests. it just sucks, i guess. last year, i didnt want the school year to end because i loved it down here. i didnt really have much to look forward to that summer, or so i thought. then racing happened. now, with a new kart and newer equipment with the kart, i want the summer to be here now. i still love it here, and i love being in college and on my own. but racing, and everything surrounding it, is like my drug. i need it. i need it to distract me from the fact that i have no girlfriend, a shitty job, no money, and no ambition--except when i race.

i know you probably dont give a shit about racing. or that i like it. or that i do it. but hopefully you can understand needing something in your life for an escape. it just sucks that my escape is 8 months away. til then, ive just got to find something to take its place.

PS, if you havent heard, the bird is the word.