ok, he's dead, i get it

i realize that the death of michael jackson is a momentous event. i realize that he had millions of fans who deserve to mourn their favorite performer. i'm just tired of the overdramatics. the man was an incredible talent, unequalled in the pop genre, no doubt. but c'mon, the dude was a freak. little boys and trying to be white. marrying lisa marie presley, kissing her on live tv in one of the most awkward moments in mtv history. dangling his infant son over a balcony. i could go on and on.

why is it okay now to say how good he was and how much he'll be missed? why couldnt people defend him like they are now when he was alive. sure, he had defenders, but overall the public couldnt give two shits about him because he was so weird. theres a reason you hadnt heard anything about him since his trial was over. (for the record i think he was being extorted by the child in question. there is no denying, however, that some weird things were going down at that ranch. alarms leading up to his room to warn him when people were getting close? c'mon.)

at the end of the day, i respect the talent of the king of pop. he deserves that title based purely on his talent. but im not going to go overboard like most people and pretend to be so impressed by him and that i always loved thriller and bad and man in the mirror. i respect him. but i dont have to like him.

so ive been working on a movie script. i have the whole story line in my head, and have begun some character devlopment, but have yet to put it down on paper. im afraid that if i start to put it down itll end up shitty or that i wont finish it. that and i dont really know if the idea is any good. basic plot line is a kid lives on a ranch with his alcoholic mother. his dad cheated on his mom, then moved to new york to be with the new woman. the dad gets abducted for losing a guy money in a deal, the kid gets called comes to new york and the dad gets killed. kid wants to take revenge, blah blah. i think its better than that summary makes it sound, but then again maybe not.

oh, and im calling a quarter final exit for the US in the World Cup. yes, im a fair weather fan, and ill make no secret of it. this DOES NOT, however, give soccer a chance to become popular in the US. give up people, itll never happen.

decisions decisions

well, i had a solid weekend. I worked all day friday. I worked till noon on saturday, then went racing. had a good night there, finishing 2nd to a good friend of mine. It felt good to run up front again, and even better to have a competitive battle with an old friend.

After the races we sat and drank and reminisced about past racing days. fun times.

Then i woke up this morning and worked all day again. So, like i said, solid. At least i'm making money though, right? At least thats what everyone tells me.

Interesting news on that point though. I may soon not have to worry bout money for college. I've begun serious talks with Sgt. Winter of the Army Recruiting Office in Spencer about joining the Army Reserves. I'd be an Army Journalist a few weekends a month for three years after college, with a definite possibility of deployment.

I know what you might be thinking: Whitey's not an Army type of guy. I agree. I need someone to pay for my school, and it might as well be the taxpayers of the country i might serve for. It's not only the money that draws me to the US Militatry. My grandpa served in WWII, and was very proud of it. My mom and two of her brothers served, as well as her father. I believe it to be an honor to wear our nation's flag on my shoulder.

It's not that i want to go kill people or even that i support the war (don't really know what i would be supporting if i did). I simply want to serve my country and reap the benefits. I wouldnt even really be a soldier. I'd be on the radio or writing about whats going on over there. I'd love to end up like Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam, pissing people off and doing pretty much what i want while befriending a local and his sister, only to find out he's really the enemy, then getting sent home for it.

The decision hasnt been made yet, but at this point i doubt ill have the money to pay for school on my own, so i may have no choice.

and hey, if i died over there you wouldnt have to listen to me bitch anymore. imagine the possibilities.. haha

i want pokey stix. now.

"Sometimes, I wish I was smart. I wish I made cures for how people are. I wish I had power. I wish I could lead. I wish I could change the world for you and me."

That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. Regardless of how corny or stupid it sounds, sometimes a person just wants to feel more in control of themselves. There's a shit ton of uncertainty in this world--maybe that's all i want, certainty.

To know what's coming is pretty much all i want. Now knowing how it will all turn out is killing me.

Ya know what else? I just hate stupid people. Why is everyone today a fucking idiot? People who have no clue what theyre talking about spew shit out of their mouths like a damn faucet. Perez Hilton should be shot in the head. I can't turn on any news outlet and hear an objective opinion to save my life.

I've never wanted to be in Ames so bad in my life. I miss the place so much it hurts. I miss being able to call gumbys at 11 and have pokey stix delivered. I miss just walking on campus and hearing the camponille. I even miss Iowa State's god-awful sports teams.

But i'm done complaining. i hope blink releases their new song soon. mark hoppus has said they'll release it before the tour, which starts soon. I have a feeling it's gonna be epic. But ive been wrong before.

A lot.

what a wonderful life

so i've been sitting here for the last hour contemplating my future. i don't really know what the fuck is going to happen, but i do know that whatever happens, i wont have any money with which to do it. i worked 50 hours last week, all of which is going towards school. the kicker is i could do that every week and still not make enough money to go to school.

Between that job and my two others, i worked nearly 70 hours last week. the money from my other two jobs goes straight to gas and my fucking jeep, which was nearly totalled(along with myself) when some jackass decided to be in my lane one morning, hitting me with his driver's side mirror and destroying my windshield. 250 bones down the toilet.

On top of that, when i get home i get to listen to my mom bitch at me for not doing one of the following: the dishes, my laundry, getting my oil changed, fixing her husband's trailer, walking her dogs, or (my personal favorie) giving her the correct attitude.

Im sick and fucking tired of having to live up to everyone else's expectations. I cant rely on anyone besides myself to get shit done, because whenever i need a favor the other person just so happens not to be able to do it. so i get to work my ass of all day, have no money to have fun in the damn summer, and get yelled at by my parents.

They tell me in one breath how proud they are of me and everything, then in the next tell me how much i need to change, making me feel like an awful human being. I've never met two people so good at complimenting me at the beginning of a sentence and tearing me down by the end of it.

I guess i just cant win with anyone anymore. Seems like no matter what i do in life someone ends up pissed at me. i could come home with a million dollars and my mom would find a way to make me a spoiled brat, ungrateful son, or point out that i put my priorities out of whack in some way.

I just want to be 19 and have some fun while im not in school. I've never wanted to go back to school and worry bout homework so bad in my life. i cant even laugh at TV at this point, and that hasn't happened in a while. i spose it could be worse, i could be unemployed and have no chance whatsoever to go to school. Oh, wait, i may have no chance anyway.

Maybe i should just join the fucking Army, go to Iraq and escape it all. At least if i get yelled at there i'll know i deserved it.

balls deep in that bitch

got drunk for the first time all summer last night. smirnoff + jell-o = good times. itd been so long since i had that i forgot what it felt like. now i know why i spent half the weekends of my first year at college drinking shitty vodka.

i also realized that im not the worst beer pong player in the world. that title belongs to ashley king, who made four cups in five games, three of which we won. apparently i was the perfect amount of drunk to make shots.

bought my ticket to see blink in omaha/cedar rapids on aug 16th. cant be more excited. mostly cuz i want to see if tom delonge will get that damn frog out of his throat and sing like he used to. blink is not angels and airwaves, tom.. that whining shit wont work.

btw, conan is fricken amazing on the tonight show. did you see his first show with will ferrell?

ferrell came in on some raised chair-thing and was his usual self. conan was the perfect choice to follow leno. he already had a huge fan base, and i think LA will suit him well.

speaking of will ferrell, land of the lost previews lead me to believe it is going to be funny. however, i thought the same thing about other comdey previews, and they ended up showing all the funny parts in the commercials. here's to hoping it doesnt suck.

i also feel like the only person who hasnt seen hangover. if its as good as i hear, it might be worth the 20 mile drive and $7 ticket.

i wish i had more interesting things to say, but alas, my life is an endless parade of work and racing, whether it be my own or that which i cover for the paper. 10th straight day of work tomorrow. bring it on.