yea its been a while, so sue me.
i cant find anything to inspire me lately. i thought i found her, but i ended up with that same rejected feeling. its like getting kicked in the nuts after hearing ur dog died. epic fail.
i shouldve seen it coming, and probably knew on some level that it wouldnt end well when i told her how i felt. still tho, the other part of me thought she felt the same way. funny how life is, huh? someone can fool you completely, tear ur heart out, and still keep you captivated. dammit.
ive been told that it will just happen for me someday, i just have to be patient. fuck that. im tired of watching people around me who have what i want, take it for granted, lose it, then bitch about it. either that or they are just sickenly cute together, and make me even more jealous. i want to believe love is out there waiting for me, but for some reason that belief is starting to go away. i know im only 19, but i've never had a real relationship. anything that's started to get off the ground crashes and burns from bad timing.
whats even worse is normally in this situation i write. but i dont have anything to write about. my columns for the paper have lacked anything of substance, and that pisses me off. i hate sending in something that isnt my best. even this blog sucks, and i know its true.
the only thing going right for me right now is my racing. i won a race for the first time in 10 years on saturday. the feeling was unbelieveable. i got hand shakes and pats on the back from fellow racers and competitors, which is the best part of winning. when the guy you beat tells you congrats, its the best recognition you can get. that and seeing the look on my dad's face was worth every dime ive spent this summer doing it.
then i went to celebrate with her. let her know how i felt. got rejected. so long unbelieveable feeling. hello disappointment, i was starting to think you were gone. after we (she) decided our friendship was simply too important, i got in the jeep to go home and i heard this come out of my speakers right when i turned it on : "Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay that there's someone out there who feels just like me? There is."
is there really? or do i have to pretend forever? august 15th cant come fast enough.
About Me
- jeremiah davis
- I'm a student at Iowa State and columnist for the Iowa State Daily. I believe in God, my country and racing. But don't let that scare you away.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat is Love?
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone really know?
Is it just thoughts and actions revolving around our souls? What is heartbreak besides another bend in the break? I get so full of lonliness that it makes me sick.
But you fill me up.
You show me love.
Im much older than my skin, but so much younger than my sins. Just making due with what i'm given. Slowly learning how to live.
I make my way to a darker rooms, where I find myself alone surrounded by windows. The only place I call home.
Where can we go when it all goes wrong? I'll take the words of a friend "youre okay" and make them my own.
Where can we go when we cant go home? When we get back, are we finding ourselves all alone?
Well look where we found ourselves again... asking the same old damn questions.
So since we can find a way out, we dig ourselves a new whole now.
Where can we go when it all goes wrong? I'll take the words of a friend...
make them my own.
dude that's awesome.. did you write it?
ReplyDelete